I got this list a couple of years ago in an email and just rediscovered it today. If you need a good laugh, there's nothing quite like the innocence of children to provide it.
SCIENCE TEST ANSWERS
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome .
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
I'm Still Here
You know what they say, "The best laid plans of mice and men..." My plan to update daily, or at least every other day, was put on the shelf for awhile due to farming and internet problems.
If you've never tried working a farm, let me just tell you that it is a whole new experience. Technically, I knew what to expect when we moved back here but I had become so used to my daily 9-6 routine that I lost all concept of farm life. What a stark reminder when the days started early and continued until after dark. It's not always like that, but there were some things that we needed to help Mom and Dad catch up on so it required more intense work than usual. A couple of fences needed to be fixed, the garden needed to be tilled, the garden fence needed to be built, the list just goes on. Needless to say, it has been busy and FUN! I've enjoyed the exercise and the fresh air and I can officially say that I am a redneck. The sun has made sure that I acquired that distinguishing characteristic. It has been wonderful, so far, but the lack of defined hours has left me feeling somewhat frazzled when it comes to getting things ready for church.
As of Easter Sunday, I am the Minister of Music/Adult Sunday School Teacher at Spirit Life Worship Center. It's a small, but growing church just a couple of miles from our house. I've been encouraged by what's been happening there! The pastor and his wife are truly Godly people who spend time seeking God's will instead of trying to do things according to their own. I don't think I've met a man who knows and can quote Scripture like him. (Of course, there's Jack Van Impe but I haven't actually met him.) I also have to brag on Jaden, too. He is our drummer! God has definitely given him a gift, because he has never had a lesson but can do more than just keep a beat. He feels it and puts his heart into it every time! I'm so proud of him!!!
Oh, I mentioned intenet problems. Where do I begin? We have digital phone service through our ISP and are supposed to have the fastest service available. At least, that's what we're paying for. Unfortunately, there have been some technical issues at the company so our internet connection has been sketchy. Since the phone uses the internet to operate, it has been affected as well. They're working on it and it's a little better, but it's still only about a third as fast as it should be. Hopefully, they will have that fixed this week.
I know this has been a long post, but I needed to catch up. If you subscribe to the RSS feed, it will notify you when I post again, which I plan to do much more frequently! I probably shouldn't have said that because, "The best laid plans..."
If you've never tried working a farm, let me just tell you that it is a whole new experience. Technically, I knew what to expect when we moved back here but I had become so used to my daily 9-6 routine that I lost all concept of farm life. What a stark reminder when the days started early and continued until after dark. It's not always like that, but there were some things that we needed to help Mom and Dad catch up on so it required more intense work than usual. A couple of fences needed to be fixed, the garden needed to be tilled, the garden fence needed to be built, the list just goes on. Needless to say, it has been busy and FUN! I've enjoyed the exercise and the fresh air and I can officially say that I am a redneck. The sun has made sure that I acquired that distinguishing characteristic. It has been wonderful, so far, but the lack of defined hours has left me feeling somewhat frazzled when it comes to getting things ready for church.
As of Easter Sunday, I am the Minister of Music/Adult Sunday School Teacher at Spirit Life Worship Center. It's a small, but growing church just a couple of miles from our house. I've been encouraged by what's been happening there! The pastor and his wife are truly Godly people who spend time seeking God's will instead of trying to do things according to their own. I don't think I've met a man who knows and can quote Scripture like him. (Of course, there's Jack Van Impe but I haven't actually met him.) I also have to brag on Jaden, too. He is our drummer! God has definitely given him a gift, because he has never had a lesson but can do more than just keep a beat. He feels it and puts his heart into it every time! I'm so proud of him!!!
Oh, I mentioned intenet problems. Where do I begin? We have digital phone service through our ISP and are supposed to have the fastest service available. At least, that's what we're paying for. Unfortunately, there have been some technical issues at the company so our internet connection has been sketchy. Since the phone uses the internet to operate, it has been affected as well. They're working on it and it's a little better, but it's still only about a third as fast as it should be. Hopefully, they will have that fixed this week.
I know this has been a long post, but I needed to catch up. If you subscribe to the RSS feed, it will notify you when I post again, which I plan to do much more frequently! I probably shouldn't have said that because, "The best laid plans..."
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Prayer Request
I got an email from Sheila who would like us to pray. Here's her request.
"Please keep my family in your prayers. We are experiencing financial issues like most of lower middle class families. I am having a real hard time trusting God to take care of me. I know that He will because He always does. He has never let me down - I guess the weight of the world is settling on my shoulders. I trust Him with my eternal life and my family but for some reason I am just not letting go of this."
This is a tough area to let go of sometimes. Please, join me in praying for Sheila and her family.
"Please keep my family in your prayers. We are experiencing financial issues like most of lower middle class families. I am having a real hard time trusting God to take care of me. I know that He will because He always does. He has never let me down - I guess the weight of the world is settling on my shoulders. I trust Him with my eternal life and my family but for some reason I am just not letting go of this."
This is a tough area to let go of sometimes. Please, join me in praying for Sheila and her family.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
The Difference
Whether we call it Easter, Resurrection Day or something else, it all points to the difference. The difference that set Christianity apart from any other religion on Earth. We serve a risen Savior! In fact, the whole series of events that we remember this week are unique.
From Christ's birth, betrayal, trial, whipping, crucifixion and resurrection, you won't find a greater display of love from any other "religious leader." I put that in quotes, because I don't believe that Jesus is just a religious leader. He is definitely, without a doubt, THE Son of God! The point is, you won't find that any other religious leader went through the same ordeal and you certainly wouldn't find the same ending! Only THE Son of God, Jesus, could rise from the dead. That's what makes the difference. So why am I blogging about something so obvious? Remembrance!
We can get so focused on the life we are living that we forget about the life that God has prepared for us, and it's all because of the events that we remember this week. The sad thing is, even this week can become routine. Church events, family gatherings, commercialism...all of these things work together to distract us from the true meaning of Easter (or Resurrection Day.) It helps to have a reminder to jar us out of our mental fog and refocus our attention on the act of unselfish love that Jesus displayed.
The difference is love. The difference is sacrifice. The difference is life, and that is exactly what Jesus gave us. We can have eternal life through Jesus, and it's because of the difference...Jesus is ALIVE!
From Christ's birth, betrayal, trial, whipping, crucifixion and resurrection, you won't find a greater display of love from any other "religious leader." I put that in quotes, because I don't believe that Jesus is just a religious leader. He is definitely, without a doubt, THE Son of God! The point is, you won't find that any other religious leader went through the same ordeal and you certainly wouldn't find the same ending! Only THE Son of God, Jesus, could rise from the dead. That's what makes the difference. So why am I blogging about something so obvious? Remembrance!
We can get so focused on the life we are living that we forget about the life that God has prepared for us, and it's all because of the events that we remember this week. The sad thing is, even this week can become routine. Church events, family gatherings, commercialism...all of these things work together to distract us from the true meaning of Easter (or Resurrection Day.) It helps to have a reminder to jar us out of our mental fog and refocus our attention on the act of unselfish love that Jesus displayed.
The difference is love. The difference is sacrifice. The difference is life, and that is exactly what Jesus gave us. We can have eternal life through Jesus, and it's because of the difference...Jesus is ALIVE!
Friday, April 3, 2009
A Matter Of Pride
It's been a little over a week since my last post (I'm Captian Obvious) and it's been an eventful week. There have been some great breakthroughs and I can definitely see God's hand at work.
We had a fun time rounding up cattle the other day. I haven't done that in quite awhile and I never thought I would say that I actually missed it. Jaden had his first taste of cutting the the calves out from the rest of the herd and he did a great job overcoming his fear. I can understand how intimidating it is...I had my turn when I was a kid. We had a Brahma cow named Brownie and she was pretty grouchy most every day. When she had a calf, she was downright MEAN. Now I know she was being a good momma, but then I thought she was one of the most hateful, demon-possessed cows on the planet! I was 6 or 7 when I made the mistake of innocently walking between her and her calf on the way from the barn to the house. She didn't like it at all and charged me full speed. I know I had to have set a Guiness World Record because I made it back to my Mom and Grandmother before Brownie made it to me! It took a little time before I went back out into the pasture alone. I'm just glad that Jaden didn't have an experience like that!
Speaking of Jaden, I've got to brag on him a little bit. He is quite an awesome drummer, expecially given the fact that he's never had a lesson! I'll tell you why in a minute, but first let me set the stage. On Thursday we met with the Pastor at my parent's church because we wanted to see if that's where we should go. Long story short, our visit lasted over 4 hours and we know without a doubt that we need to be there. I'm going to be the Minister of Music and the Adult Sunday School class teacher. Tonight we had music practice and the guy that plays the drums asked Jaden to sit in and play. WOW! Jaden and I have played together before but it was always just jamming on stuff we were making up. He's certainly never had a chance to play with a group. Tonight, he impressed me more than I can say! I'm so blown away by his truly God-given talent and I'm looking forward to having him play along with us. In fact, the drummer asked if it would be ok for he and Jaden to alternate! That so rocks! God is so good!!
We feel God's peace and are positive that we're in His perfect will! Hopefully I can get some pictures of Jaden on the drums. I just know not to make any promises about that type of thing, because my track record of getting pictures on here isn't the best. Thank you for praying. Please, keep it up and feel free to let me know if we can pray for you! Be blessed!
We had a fun time rounding up cattle the other day. I haven't done that in quite awhile and I never thought I would say that I actually missed it. Jaden had his first taste of cutting the the calves out from the rest of the herd and he did a great job overcoming his fear. I can understand how intimidating it is...I had my turn when I was a kid. We had a Brahma cow named Brownie and she was pretty grouchy most every day. When she had a calf, she was downright MEAN. Now I know she was being a good momma, but then I thought she was one of the most hateful, demon-possessed cows on the planet! I was 6 or 7 when I made the mistake of innocently walking between her and her calf on the way from the barn to the house. She didn't like it at all and charged me full speed. I know I had to have set a Guiness World Record because I made it back to my Mom and Grandmother before Brownie made it to me! It took a little time before I went back out into the pasture alone. I'm just glad that Jaden didn't have an experience like that!
Speaking of Jaden, I've got to brag on him a little bit. He is quite an awesome drummer, expecially given the fact that he's never had a lesson! I'll tell you why in a minute, but first let me set the stage. On Thursday we met with the Pastor at my parent's church because we wanted to see if that's where we should go. Long story short, our visit lasted over 4 hours and we know without a doubt that we need to be there. I'm going to be the Minister of Music and the Adult Sunday School class teacher. Tonight we had music practice and the guy that plays the drums asked Jaden to sit in and play. WOW! Jaden and I have played together before but it was always just jamming on stuff we were making up. He's certainly never had a chance to play with a group. Tonight, he impressed me more than I can say! I'm so blown away by his truly God-given talent and I'm looking forward to having him play along with us. In fact, the drummer asked if it would be ok for he and Jaden to alternate! That so rocks! God is so good!!
We feel God's peace and are positive that we're in His perfect will! Hopefully I can get some pictures of Jaden on the drums. I just know not to make any promises about that type of thing, because my track record of getting pictures on here isn't the best. Thank you for praying. Please, keep it up and feel free to let me know if we can pray for you! Be blessed!
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